When we fail to hear the testimony of surviviors who have been embroiled in gender-based violence we cast them into the wilderness, putting them at the mercy of wolves.
The way the law is currently written puts us in greater danger when we report crimes of harassment. In the case of Denise Anderson, it led to her death in a downtown Fargo apartment where she was brutally bludgeoned with a cast iron skillet and her body set on fire. This heinous crime was preceded by several instances of harassment, which Denise reported to the police – but city attorneys at that time failed to prosecute the perpetrator. Failure by the courts to hold her perpetrator accountable led to an escalation in violence.
My reality is living with the knowledge that had my abuser clenched his grip around my neck a moment more, I could be dead too. Abusers like that do not simply allow a victim to leave. They slash your tires. They kill your dog. They threaten your children. Anything that is important to you, they will destroy. They will do anything to isolate you. And let’s not forget, domestic violence happens to men too. For too many in our community – this is our reality. And all this violence usually starts with verbal threats and harassment.
Even when victims aren’t murdered or seriously injured, there is a loss in quality of life. You make your life smaller in an attempt to avoid your abuser. But what is to be done when the perpetrator shows up at your job, your school, at your church, at the clinic you go to for treatment or therapy. I have known survivors who avoid public places and make their lives so isolated and so small that they crush themselves in an effort to stay safe. We should not have to diminish ourselves and limit our lives for the sake of safety in a civilized society.
With the law written as it is, all a criminal must do to get off the hook for harassment is claim they had no “intent” to do harm. Simply stating “Oh, I didn’t mean to do that” should not be a plausible defense. The fact that we are holding grown adults to the same standard of accountability as we do for young children would be laughable if lives and quality of life were not at stake.
I refuse to allow myself or my community of fellow survivors to be ignored on the matter of ordinance 10-0322. Whether or not the Fargo City Commission decides to remove the word “intent” from the ordinance, is up to them. But to make that determination, it must first be put on their agenda. We need to hear them have that discussion because domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects men, women, and children of every race, culture, class, and creed. Considering the vast demographic affected by this issue, I believe it warrants the time and attention of our civic leaders.
Yes, this is personal for me. However, this issue does not belong only to me but to some of the strongest and most resilient of souls. I am fortunate to have received the supports I needed to liberate myself from the cycle of abuse and regain a certain quality of life and independence. I am grateful for the help I have been given. From that gratitude stems my sense of responsibility to speak up, speak loudly, and speak clearly on behalf of those who remain silenced by abuse.
I spent two years in speech therapy to regain my ability to speak clearly. I spent even more time in talk therapy and support groups to process my trauma, which empowers me to discuss this issue now. I speak to spread hope that freedom from abuse is possible. I speak to make the path a little more clear and more safe for those who follow. I speak because survivors need to hear – we were victims for a moment, but we become survivors for a lifetime.
I am a person with disabilities which I acquired as a direct result of gender based violence. I would like to use my time on the Human Rights Commission to focus and advocate on issues pertaining to people with disabilities. However, this issue of ordinance 10-0322 takes priority. As exemplified by Denise Anderson, as exemplified by my own experience, as exemplified by the experience of countless others – this matter of harassment is a matter of life and death.
Under city ordinance 15-0205 Part A, the Human Rights Commission is granted authority to make recommendations to the Fargo City Commission. Knowing we have this authority, I make the following motion.
I move that we make a recommendation to the Fargo City Commission to place on their regular agenda at the November 28th meeting consideration for removing the word “intent” from city ordinance 10-0322 regarding harassment.
Just One Take 